Here I am, once again…

Been gone for a while, but here’s what's been happening!

Photo by Valentina Stan on Unsplash

Life has been a bitch, a full-speed one at that! And as the pic above says, yes still pretty fucked up…

A bitch could mean many things, good and bad. But it’s been fast and hectic. I’ve been gone from here, but you guys kept reading. I am so surprised at the messages I got from people asking “how are you?”. Thank you so much, lovely readers.

Today I finally found it in me to take a pause and come on here to download all that has happened.

• Career moves — I’ve been working on it, studying, upskilling, and networking. It’s a thankless relentless process where no one cares, and everyone wants you to do volunteer work coz you are a newbie. Sometimes it feels like a rock I am carrying and it keeps getting heavier every day…but guess what, my shoulders and back muscles keep getting stronger too!!

Why? Remember guys’ I wrote about it —

I Have To Rise, Relearn, Rebuild

• Married 🤔 ? life — A dead bedroom is a thing but in my marriage, it's just dead everything. Conversation itself is so scarce…it’s just two people bound together by duty and they fulfill their respective duties…and when left alone they look at their phones.

Does it still hurt? Yes, It will hurt me until eternity, coz I really did try. Does this mean I am somewhere still in love with my husband? No, it’s just the tragedy of the broken dream and the crushed hopes that saddens me. The complexity of our family ties and the excruciating thought of wanting to end it and knowing it is inevitable is constant. Yes, I want out but that doesn't mean it can’t be painful.

Like MonalisaSmiled wrote in one of her stories — “kind eyes filled with hurt”, trademark dead marriage look. I am the flagbearer of those eyes.

I want to tell the husband this, “ I would rather get used to your absence than be constantly frustrated by your presence.”

One day, hopefully soon. 🤞, so he can be free too. I see it in his face, he wants to end this…